Forgiveness: Reaching out to the Denied Pieces of Ourselves

What is Forgiveness?

In looking at why the choice to forgive is such an important one, I hear the voice of a wise friend with the heart of the Buddha, offering me a taste of what true forgiveness can give the world.

“By exploring the art of forgiveness, you are giving yourself the tools to be reborn. Why do you want to hold on to the negative emotions, resentment, anger, and sadness? Why do you want to store this energy as a block in your body?”….

Wise words indeed….enough to make one pensive and want to dive into the forgiveness modus operandi exploration!

And indeed, why not chose to create a space for renewal and a life free from the bondage to the past?

Transgressions made…..

A hurt is a hurt.  And sometimes undertaking forgiveness can be an incredibly difficult task but it’s the ultimate measure of internal peace. 

To err is human, to forgive divine” ~Alexander pope

Sometimes angels, disguised as a friend or foe, take the role of a transgressor to help us with our unique human experience to undergo the discernment, lesson and wisdom our soul needs to evolve.

These people are a gift. 

Learn the lessons, gain the experience, evolve.

Easy enough, right? 

Absolutely not, as we don’t know they are disguised angels having taken on the immense responsibility for our growth.

So I keep quiet in my heart as my friend’s words begin to resonate deeply and what seems like a reset button is set inside my psyche.

My thoughts come fast and furious…..

We learn from a very young age what is acceptable and what is not.  We’ve learned that fear and anger are not suitable to express.  And when we do feel them, we most likely create negative beliefs about our self-esteem.  We keep ourselves constantly busy so we never have to face these parts of ourselves.  The more deeply we run away from this truth, the more desperately we are trapped in our shadows.  The more deeply we are trapped in our shadows, the more difficult to forgive ourselves and any transgressions made.

How do we move past this gateway?

How do we reset and allow things from the past to close out and prepare for new beginnings?

I first had to surrender to my experience of life and acknowledge my emotion in order to confirm my fundamental worthiness. 

Many of us think Forgiveness involves trying to let go of the past….We often say, I’ll let bygones be bygones, whilst holding on to the idea that we’ve been wronged by another person.

When we try this kind of forgiveness, we often feel two desires in direct opposition. We don’t like feeling angry or resentful and want to only feel love but we also hold on deeply to the hurt….we were wronged, lied to, and hurt in some way.

This way of forgiveness, I found, maintains that we are victims. What we need is a different fundamental forgiveness.

What is this kind of forgiveness?  It’s the kind that connects us to all of life.  It’s about attracting others to proverbially “act out” and help us work through our core attachments and false identifications.  In this way, we can truly understand and be grateful knowing that everything that happens to us is entirely purposeful and intended for our growth.  We can heal past wounds.  We can ascend and see our soul’s purpose.  We can see alignment to our true path. We can feel the power of peace knowing we can chose peace instead of resistance. 

Fundamental forgiveness shows us that anger, victimization, resentment, fear and unworthiness are often calling us to see the connectedness of life instead of separation.

We often get the same lesson again and again.  Nothing happens haphazardly.  Once we open our mind and heart and resolve the issue at the core, we are healed.

In truth, when we become upset with another person or situation, it’s only because it resonates with a part of ourselves we’ve denied or judged. 

The most difficult people or situations end up being the greatest teachers.

I personally thank all those angels whom took it upon themselves to help me look within, change my consciousness and learn the experiences I needed to acknowledge the energy for perfect wellness and for my ultimate growth.

Take a moment now, see how you feel. Take a few deep breaths and tune in to non-judgement, acceptance, love and forgiveness.   Any judgement is self-judgement. Any criticism is self-criticism.  Extend to yourself an unconditional love and be the light. With every breath, release judgement.  With every breath, make room for joy and for wealth of new experiences.  With every breath, forgive.  With every breath release what no longer serves you.

Honey, that’s just life!

Copyright 2020 all rights reserved

In Loving Memory on Father’s Day

Absence and death are the same thing- only that in death there is no suffering. 

The summer solstice begins in June and marks three month you left us baba joonam. June marks the first father’s day without you.  June marks my birthday….without you.

Heavenly angels, If Orchids grow in heaven, pick a bunch for me and place them in my father’s arms. Tell him they’re from me and  when he turns to smile, place a kiss upon his cheek, tell him I love him and miss him lots.

In my thoughts, in my heart, in every part of my life, you are always with me and always will be…and yet there is an ache within my heart that will never go way.

Happy Father’s Day Baba Joon…..Missing you today and everyday.

March 21, 2019~  Laying there in the hospital room, with his eyes closed just waiting for that imminent moment. I sealed my eyes imperviously to catch a quick glimpse of what his stunning brown eyes looked like. I cherished every last caress of his soft skin as I felt his struggle relinquish.

The desperate cry of disappearance filled the funeral room, silent, yet spoken. I could feel tears bursting from my eyes, and the whole world had felt as if it had stopped. 

Was this what was to become of my dad? 

I couldn’t help but stare at that cruel, cruel casket, laying open there, for me to view my angelic dad. His fragile body allay, alone. My heart had been torn once 7 months ago when my maternal grandmother, maman Sara, passed. 

It was the same cruel void and emptiness all over again. 

“It’ll be alright,” whispered mom, sitting beside me. ‘NO IT WON’T!’ I wanted to shriek, but instead, I cried my broken heart out. As more tears came, and more thoughts whirled about every thing I had done and said to baba. 

Was he really gone?

Nothing physical was left of him. That bitter spring day, laying in an open casket, I witnessed my dad’s physical body drenched in nothingness.

No. No. No.

“Baba”, I half-whispered in his delicate ear.

“You are with me still. You will forever be with me…. like you always said, death is just a change of address.  Our souls find new clothes in a different physical body” 

From where you lay down in eternity, flowers shall grow and you are in them and that is Eternity. 

April 21, 2019~  There’s a void. An emptiness.  My Intellect knows life and death have their determined appointments but the void in my heart seems clueless. 

Are pain and suffering the same thing?

I can become indignant and numb myself or I can deeply comprehend that I’m my father’s daughter. As he always said, “Nora joon, baba, we don’t have a soul. We are a soul and we have a body.”

Grief is really just love.  It’s all the love you want to give but can’t.  All that unspent love gathers up in the corner of our eyes, the lump in our throat, and in that hollow part of our chest. Grief is just love with nowhere to go.

It took me a month of grieving and mourning to realize though that it is love, not reason, that is stronger than death. 

Loved. I loved you baba. 

No… I can’t use it in the past tense. Death does not stop love at all. 

A tear trickles down from my eye…

Baba you weren’t loving. 

YOU were Love. 

Your destiny rang its dreadful alarms on your physical body but your soul is right here next to me as we talk every day but specially every Thursday morning before you go to lunch with your childhood friends, Mr Morovati and Dr Sayah, as we enjoy our afternoon coffee together, as you chant Hafez’s poems by heart and use his ghazals as proverbs and sayings…oh the joys of love, wine, ecstasy and freedom from restraints. 

Baba joonam, you are immortal as I reach the highest spiritual realm as I dance with you in my meditate to Ana B’Ko’ach, as I hear your voice in every one of Hafez or Shams-e-Tabriz’s themes… you are free of your worldly restraints and now you are the immortal voice of divine love influencing my life. 

Memory is an elusive seductress, hard to pin down. All my childhood memories….

All my adult memories…

Death changes everything.  Time changes nothing. I’m angry. 

I miss the sound of your voice. The wisdom of your advice. So, NO, time changes nothing. 

I just miss you. 

What are we? What is life? Grant me understanding . Help my heart trust In god to grant me peace. 

My thoughts will never go back to default. they will never become like the spring snow… they can’t thaw away as soon as they hit the ground. 

How does one deal with this pain, this relentless void?

This strange and foreign sensation?

This constant tightness in my chest that feels like a constant adrenaline rush and after awhile it becomes painful but it wont stop….

My heart is on fire, I am restless and awake

O soul you have a pact with the Divine, I know.

But ask how should I my life manage?

I’m good one minute or for a nice long stretch of time and then a memory comes and hits me like a fist to the gut and the tears come uncontrollably rolling down. 

Some days, I’m numb and feel like I’m on a far away surreal cloud… on autopilot…

I’m here and I see and feel everything but it doesn’t feel real. 

Does that make sense?

Sometimes I don’t even realize how disconnected I’ve gotten from my pure essence.  Life happens and sometimes it hurts badly.

And yes I’ll move on….I laugh and cry in the span of the same day, even the same hour, even the same moment…I’ll move on but I’ll never be the same.

But like you always said dad, life may give us what we want.  Or life may never give us what we want. But we can always give life who we are.

In this moment of rediscovery I feel gratitude and warmth again. 

Warmth in knowing that caring for someone without expectation seems impossible. and yet time and time again dad, you were that for us…always filled with gratitude and humility.  Always appreciating what you had rather what you lacked.  Always soul-oriented. Unshakable wide perspective.  Shrunken ego.  Filled with an organic attitude. 

You are Free.

I’m reminded again and again through all your acts that you didn’t just care… you loved purely.  Deep was your love for us. Your tender compassion boundless. You were love personified. It’s never been separated from you.

June 11, 2019~  As the sounds of the waves finds its own rhythm so does my breathing…. as I listen, seagulls hectically circle the warm sky above the pacific ocean, just like the thoughts circling in my mind.  As I listen to the sounds, my mind is at peace.  

Baba you are in light now.

Only the most precious are kept deep inside our hearts…as most valuable things are unseen to the naked eye

Words fail to convey the true magnitude and purity of emotions we possess for someone. Perhaps, that’s because the bliss can’t be expressed, it can only be experienced and felt in ways beyond the description of words, an inaudible language. 

On friendships-

Dad always said friendships come in many degrees and we have friends in many different contexts. Some are acquaintances, some casual, others (the fewest) very close.

And they are all people important to us for more than just what they can do for us. Meaning, we value them for themselves.

And then there are those whom are within our circle of trust. Those whom allow us to feel safe with them when facing our vulnerabilities.

What distinguishes a true friendship is LOVE. A feeling that is independent of how useful the person is to us. A feeling that the relationship will never be over regardless of wether the benefits or pleasure they provide is exhausted. 

In the end, we give our closest friends the power to influence us, change us and help us become the people we are. 

And those rare individuals are what it’s all about. 

I am blessed with those rare and priceless gem of friends whom never left my side and checked up on me daily for the past 3 months.

I am forever in your debt an humbled by your love…

Things unspoken….

My beloved Baba…We live in a world of time and space but you don’t. You can see me. I know it.  You are present. 

Baba joonam, your candle may have burnt out but your light will forever shine 

I light a candle because I know your soul is present in my world.

I light a candle because I know your soul isn’t ephemeral. 

I light a candle as I remember your wise words:

Nora Joon”, you would say, “When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. You cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destiny of others. You must either learn to carry and flow with the universe or be crushed by it.  You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.   Sometimes we ride the waves and sometimes we almost drown”. 

Oh baba, how I miss your words of wisdom…..

This is life… 

we persevere. 

We persist. 

We are relentless. 

We keep going. 

We love. 

People we care about never go away.  They are in the shadows of our hearts.   Even in the silence, we hear them.  Even in wind across the endless sky, we hear them.  Even in the clouds from behind the mountains, we hear them.

Baba I have so much to tell you still. I won’t physically pick up the phone to call you and tell you of all the events of my day but I won’t have to as you’ll be right next to me witnessing them.

As in life and now death, you wouldn’t want us to focus on the sadness and sorrow but to continue to love and support each other no matter the situation. 

I am reminded again and again through the way you lived your life that love does not need an object. 

Love is simply a quality. Love is not about what you do. Love is the way you are.

Love is simply life longing for itself.

Essentially,  It is only when love becomes all-inclusive that we touch the boundless.

And that is when we realize a simple truth: the soul is eternal, infinite and forever. It has always been.

It is pure love. And it is boundless.

Love you forever and a day dad.

Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a 1000 winds that blow

I am a diamond glint on snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain

When you awake in the morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circling flight

I am the soft starlight at night

Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep

Do not stand at my grave an cry

I am not there, I did not die.

~Mary Elizabeth Frye

Honey, that’s just life!

Copyright 2019, all rights reserved


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cropped-screen-shot-2017-05-25-at-4-27-01-pm1.pngSome people sit around waiting for “serendipity” to strike. But let’s strive to be different. Let’s create our own opportunities and actively seek out what we know we want.
There comes a time in life when we learn that principles such as hard work, honesty, kindness and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which we must build a life.
All the while trying to achieve our goals- a fundamental aspect of life.
Through lessons and experiences, we learn, grow and evolve to the amazing human beings we know we can be.
One things for sure, change is the only law in the universe, and the only way to deal with it is to embrace it with open arms.
Of course there’s insecurities. Doesn’t everyone have them?
The rule is we must refuse to let them control our lives.

We learn that we don’t know everything, and we are not entitled to our opinion only our informed opinion (after all no one is entitled to be ignorant, right?)
We learn, it’s not our job to save the world and that we can’t teach a pig to sing. We learn the only cross to bear is the one we choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

We realize we only get life once and that ‘alone’ does not mean lonely.
We learn to embrace it fully.

So we learn to take more time to rest. To travel. To just sit and inhale and ponder the moment. To know it’s happiness when we are happy in that moment. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
Then we learn about love. We learn to look at relationships and friendships as they really are and not as we would have them be.
We get hurt and we ache and we reminisce the memories but we love nonetheless and learn to never demand, never assume and never expect.
We learn to simply accept.

So Suck it up buttercup! If you keep waiting for serendipity to strike you’ll never be at the right place, or the right time or the right situation, all you’ll find is yourself waiting on your deathbed with a list of regrets about things you never did.

So live, love, laugh and this thing called serendipity—the process of “stumbling” toward discovery is an illusion for those waiting for the big-win.
There’s no accidental stumbling.
Dahling, you gotta go out and “claim” your own luck!

Honey, that’s just life!

Copyright 2017, all rights reserved