The Landscape of my Life

I became aware of a growing schism in myself. I suppose there are millions of us this very moment in the same pain. Recently, someone asked me about my worst fears. I came up with a few all in regards to my children. And they all related to the future and my lack of control thereof. But I didn’t dare voice them in fear they would magically manifest. So Instead, I decided to reroute my thoughts and their destinations.
I decided to go outside. I didn’t tell anyone and I didn’t bring my cellphone. I started walking until I no longer knew the road like the palm of my hand.

Because I walk the same road day in and day out, I could no longer see.  I realized I’ve taught my muscles to work without thinking. And I was doing the same with my thoughts.  Suddenly, I start to notice.  I start to hear the silence.  So much is being said in the silence.  I didn’t want to get anything out of it except the silence.

I just walk, breath in the sights and finally decide to sit down and just Be.  The birds are chirping in an otherwise quiet alley totally void of noise.  They seem to be recording everything.  In the far distance, lies the majestic ocean, too far to hear its waves crashing into shore.  The quiet is delightful and yet I can hear the hands on my mechanical wrist watch incessantly ticking in an endless repetition of tick-tocks.  Is this my life ticking away?  I think to myself I need to be productive, active, be doing something.  Why am I just sitting as if confined to a wheelchair?

The ticking sound brings my attention back to my watch. The dial sitting on top of the movement grabs my attention.  It’s one of the most important ways of giving a watch its own distinctive personality.  I surmise it’s the same with people.  Our faces, through our eyes, are the mirrors to our soul.  There’s a universal truth, across time, religion, culture and race that connects us together in eternity.  The essence of this connection to me is to be aware of the importance of  individual personalities and to respect and honor our uniqueness. Indeed, it could even move us towards the complicated idea to become whole, harmonious and (do I dare say) even perfect?   I’m floating out of my head. The question remains to be answered.

As I sit for what seems eternity contemplating my life, the rhythmic ticking is becoming a most pleasant companion.  My life is not ticking away.  I’m living it in the exact way I was destined to live it.  There’s a whole world out there to see….so much adventure without climbing a mountain or jumping off a plane.  I just have to be in the moment and hear the silence give me the answers I seek.  The irony is not lost on me as I watch (pun intended) the silence around me and find the secret or perhaps the simple answer in a most unlikely place-my watch.  I will not tell my kids how to live.  Instead, I will live and let them watch me.  I will be…..Just Be whatever it is that I am with whatever I have and realize that that is enough to be happy.

Honey, that’s just life!  

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